Are we setting up our kids to do too much?

Today, as I was writing an email to my parents about coordinating care for my kids, I started reflecting on the absurdity of it child coordination…

I was coordinating so that my parents could pick up my kids from school today and the kids’ commitments for the afternoon. In order for my kids to spend the afternoon & dinner with my parents, two of the kids will be missing soccer practices. That’s reasonable. My parents will be taking the girls to their gymnastics practice, which is in Napa and close to their house. So that works out well. Then, I realized, it’s the monthly Girl Scouts meeting – and it’s a Halloween dress-up theme. Of course, we don’t have Aubrey’s costume yet… yes, I know Halloween is on Saturday but we just haven’t gotten to it yet. Luckily we have a plan, and my husband is stopping by the Halloween store later today on his way back from Walnut Creek to pick up the costume she wants. If he can get to it in between his all-day meeting and during commute traffic. And thus he may or may not be back in time to get the costume to Aubrey and get her to the Girl Scout event.

That’s one hefty load of ifs/thens and commitments to consider for just one weekday. And that’s not even the half of them in terms of the other parental commitments and considerations we have on a weekly basis – Dad coaches two teams, I have an afterschool program I run, we’re gearing up for potential basketball season and perhaps music lessons.

And as I take a step back – looking at the big picture view of it all – I wonder…

Are we doing too much?

When I grew up, my parents “required” that my brother and I do at least 1 extracurricular activity per week. And that’s all we did for the most part (until I hit high school). I have good memories of my childhood. I remember spending  a lot of time with my friends – we built things and formed a “club” in which we washed cars in order to pay for our club t-shirts. We had a lot of free time and I didn’t feel rushed or hurried or hoping for free time.

Yet, I hear my kids, all the time, hoping for a free day. “Can’t we just hang out at the house today?” they ask. Or, “When can I have a playdate with so and so?” they ask. Frequently.

And, oddly, this “full schedule” is mirrored in mine and most of my friends’ lives as well. I just had a long conversation with a friend about how much she packs in with her work and her kids’ after school commitments. She wonders how she can find more balance and whether what they are doing makes sense  as well.

Last year, we took a year off of major after school commitments – we were down to one for most of the year for the kids. It felt great.

But this year, I wanted to let them get back into some of the activities they enjoyed. I found ways to make it reasonable – by stacking certain days (Mondays and Thursdays) to make room for other free days. This is how I’ve found balance.

But I still wonder, what we are all doing to ourselves… what this all gains in the long run.

I know what I really, really, truly above all else want. I want my kids to be happy, fulfilled individuals with a big heart and a sense of their true values, and the ability to do what they love and do so with meaning and purpose.

And I think that many of us parents would say something of the same.

But I think we owe it to ourselves, and these beautiful little people who look up to us, to constantly evaluate if what we are doing is helping build those people we want them to be.

I, for one, want my kids to always know how to shut out the world, in order to check in with their own sense of happiness. So, perhaps this week, I can ask them what they think of their commitments and how they spend their time, and what they might choose differently, if given the choice. Since, after all, they do have the choice. They’re just little people, but I want them, always, to know that.

What do you think? Are we parents creating little busy-bodies who are just too busy trying to keep up, and who are missing out on the freedom and joys of a simple childhood? 

I’d love to hear your experience and thoughts.