How to overcome fears and get out of your comfort zone

It was getting late on a Saturday night. And Sunday morning started early. I looked down at my workbook full of yoga poses to learn… it was going to be a long night.

With no experience leading group fitness, and little experience with the style of yoga that was being taught, my learning curve was extreme.  I needed to  learn all the poses, then simultaneously be ready to  teach a  room full of super fit women in a semi-choreaographed sequence of yoga and cardio moves by the next morning.

I had a sudden new respect for fitness instructors.

“What was I thinking?” I reflected to myself, “I’m not meant to be a fitness instructor. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Part of me just wanted to give in – believe this just wasn’t for me and I was never meant to teach a fitness program.

But, there I was – because something inside of me was calling out to try it. Because I cared deeply about what could happen if I succeeded.

I knew I couldn’t quit. Even more, I recognized this truth: that we tell ourselves stories about what we want or don’t want to hide underlying fears and protect ourselves from failure.

What if I loved teaching a fitness class once it came easily and I was well practiced? How would I ever know if I didn’t push past this fear?

So I kept on.

I pushed past the fear of failure, and accepted that I could very well try my hardest and still fail. Badly even. I gave myself a different goal: rather than having a goal to perform well, my goal would be to have fun and do the routine I created for the reason I came – because I truly believed the dance moves can be transformative when we give into the music and use it as a full form of self-expression. I remembered that we are all constant learners, even those who already know so much – we can never get so boastful to think there isn’t more worth learning, if we only try.

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

Pablo Picasso

The next day, I successfully led the class with a high-energy workout that felt amazing.

I didn’t know I was capable of doing it.

Yet, somewhere inside… I did think I was capable… that’s what led me to try.

I let go of caring about the “how” long enough to recognize the underlying desire, and I embraced the magic of getting out of my comfort zone.

We all have fears…

“Do not be pushed by your problems be led by your dreams” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is an amazing transformation that can come from overcoming our fears to try something new. Especially when that new thing helps us get somewhere we really want to go. How many of us pine over something we think we can’t have, when truly it’s just a matter of getting over a fear?

In fact, almost everything you say you want to do but can’t, is actually just a way of masking a fear. Consider these examples:

• The woman who wants to lose weight and thinks it’s not possible, may be afraid of truly changing her lifestyle to eat and exercise differently, so she simply doesn’t start. She tells herself “I don’t mind having a few extra pounds on me.”

• The woman who wants to quit her job and start a business, may be afraid of what happens if she tries her hardest, and still can’t make enough money, so she stays in her career. She tells her friends “I wish I could start a business, but I just don’t know what I would do.”

 

• The woman that yearns to travel more, may be afraid her husband won’t support her dream if she brings it up. She tells her family, “If only we had more money, we could travel the way some  other families do.”

 

Our fears are often masked so quickly by our brain, we don’t even recognize the underlying desire, because we quickly jump to a list of objections.

We may toy with an idea, and then quickly run through the obstacles in our head – letting fears rule our contemplation – so we don’t even get a chance to recognize the desire we actually have.

Have you ever felt some of these desires masked by fear?

• I love her outfit! But I could never pull that off.
• Wow, she goes away for an entire month on vacation! I wish I could do that.
• I wish I had a body like that. But she probably starves herself or works out way more than I’d ever want to.
• I really wish I could move somewhere else, if only my job didn’t keep me here.

Recognizing the things that you admire, respect, or even find yourself jealous of, are a good way to begin thinking through some underlying desires that could be masked by fear. Here’s a simple exercise to help you recognize when fear may be keeping you from recognizing what you really want.

What does your heart say about something before your brain kicks in and tells you that’s not for you?

Overcoming Fears

There is truly only one way to overcome our fears.

Recognize the fear.

Then do it anyway.

Choose one or more of these approaches:

• Do it as a “trial,” just to see what it’s like
• Do it for just 5 minutes only
• Do it with a friend
• Do it when no one is watching first, or with a small group, so you are in a safe place
• Do it when you’re on vacation
• Do it to learn from your mistakes
• Do it in such a massive way you can’t look back
• Do it even though you “know” you’re going to fail
• Do it just to get your feet wet
• Do it because you know it’s ok if you fail
• Do it because you’d want your daughter to
• Do it because you know a loved one you’ve lost would have told you to
• Do it because it will feed your soul
• Do it because you only live once
• Do it for your next milestone birthday
• Do it because you owe it to yourself to embrace this life fully and find out what you are capable of

 

Are you ready?

Once you’ve recognize an underlying desire that you aren’t giving a chance to breathe, it’s time for action. Action takes the shape of one small step in the right direction. Don’t get stuck in the planning. Plans change.

Moving forward always leads you on a path towards greater confidence and awareness. Who doesn’t want that?

Whether you realize something’s not for you, or find a new path based on where you’ve travelled, action helps you move forward in a way that planning does not.

I highly recommend this writing challenge if you’re looking to go deeper into discovering your heart’s desires and take more action.

 

Getting out our comfort zone

It wasn’t just me who felt fear this weekend at the yoga instructor training.

Towards the end of the day, there was another brave woman who was so unsure about going up in front of the group and teaching, that her first time up, she literally stepped up to the front of the room, got set up, then ran out the door.

She continued to say she wasn’t ready throughout the day, until there was no one else left to go up but her. I didn’t think she was going to do it.

Then, she shyly stepped up in front of the group and went through her entire routine. When she was done, the room was full of cheers and clapping and the smile on her face was unbelievable. She did it! I almost teared up right there thinking of how proud she must feel.

Later, I talked to her about it and told her how proud I was, but she didn’t need encouragement anymore. She said she felt like she could do anything! She couldn’t’ stop smiling. She said she was ready to take on the world!

I knew she would too. Because when we overcome our fears, we truly become unstoppable.