Going with the Flow: Letting Go of Expectations

One of our five main “be-on-the-team rules” for our children, that we are constantly working on, is that they be flexible – whether in a tough situation when a sleepover is cancelled because a friend has gotten sick, or a simple situation like their brother took the last bowl in the color they wanted to use for breakfast – we work towards a positive attitude that accepts and moves on, rather than whining, complaining, tantrums, etc. that can happen when any of us “don’t get our way.” Flexibility is important to allow us all to continue on in the face of changing circumstances against our expectations. We know its not always an easy thing to ask for from our kids, but teaching them this life skill not only makes our household run more smoothly, it sets them up for a happier life.

[quote]Happiness can often be measured by the difference between one’s own expectations and reality. [/quote]

As an adult, I often find myself the victim of my own expectations. Particularly when I’ve built something up in my head for a long time, like a big vacation. It’s difficult, after weeks of research and weighing options, not to head into a vacation having some hope that the choices I’ve made, places I’ve booked, and adventures I will go on, will line up with the vision I’ve had in my mind of our vacation.

So I was surprised, this morning, when my kids helped teach me about flexibility and expectations.

I had gotten up early to put together teacher gifts that my daughters could take with them on their last day of preschool. I decided that I’d put together some cookies with a cute tag, “Thanks for being so sweet.” Then I’d let them decorate them in any way and add their names at the bottom. I figured this would provide a nice balance between a cute gift that also included a creative contribution from my girls (If you’ve ever struggled with making homemade gifts that balance your preschooler’s artistic input and an actual attractive outcome, you know what I mean).

My older daughter has become quite artistic and I was excited to give her teachers something cute, with all those nice drawings she does at preschool, to her as a memento. But my daughter decided, instead, that she would write the names, and that her younger sister could do the decorating. Suddenly there were scribbles all over *all* the gift tags, not just the ones that I thought were appropriate to have scribbles on them (the ones going to the 3-year-old class teachers). There was only one tag left that hadn’t been scribbled on, and I found myself trying to convince my older daughter to “save this one” for a nice drawing. She was perfectly happy with the scribbles, she said “good job, Sierra” to her younger sister, and was not responding to my swaying.

I immediately realized my need to be flexible in this situation… while the outcome of these tags was not what I had hoped, my “going with the flow” was much more important than the way the gift tags actually looked. Flexibility, as a parent, is just as important, if not more important, than flexibility from my children. After all, who will my children be modeling their behavior after? And what I was reminded of, from my older daughter, was even more valuable – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And her gift tags truly were beautiful – because they were not just a piece of her own creativity, but a model of collaboration without judgement, and flexibility.