Why are we so obsessed with our email?

I sat down to quietly work on some writing this morning, happy to be up early before the day got started and have some peace and quiet to focus. Then suddenly, without even knowing it, I was looking through my email inbox.

Has this happened to you?

The draw of the email inbox, or for some the social media posts, can take over in so many ways throughout our day. We’ve learned to be able to access it and check on what others are doing or what conversations they are having with us no matter where we are or what we are trying to do.

Why are we so obsessed with what other people have to say to us, about us, or for our us?

Reasons we let email, digital communication and social media rule our behavior too much

1. Distraction
Often times, we simply aren’t into what we are doing at the moment. Distraction is nice to have when we are on a long bus ride to work, or waiting for an appointment, but not when we are trying to focus on what really matters.

2. Affirmation
We are constant communicators ourselves. We are often times looking for affirmation that what we’ve said is valid, what we’ve created is good, or what we care about is also important to others.

3. Loyalty
We feel like we owe someone our attention. Whether its a coworker or client we’ve told we’d be available for, a family member who often checks in, or a friend who wants to share something, we want to be there for these people and feel the need to be available and responsive.

4. Habit
We’ve grown ever more used to the habits we’ve created of checking email, social media, phone messages, etc. at regular points throughout the day. Even when we tell ourselves to do something different, our behavior has become relegated by the habits we’ve created.

5. Connection
There’s no doubt about it, the more we communicate, the more we feel connected. Whether it’s feeling part of a family gathering we can’t be part of in person, or knowing what’s going on in the world, social media & email allows us to feel part of a bigger current than just our immediate surroundings.

All of this said, there are real reasons that we use email and social media for communication. And I do believe these tools do enhance our ability to connect and communicate.

But most of us can agree that there’s a line between usefulness and over-use, and finding that balance is key to allowing ourselves to create boundaries between the constant noise in the world and our own sense of purpose, peacefulness, and joy.

If you want to create better boundaries and feel more freedom from your email and digital communication, identifying which of the above reasons is your weakness can help. Think about how you can set better rules for yourself. Consider what isn’t happening because you’re attention is being diverted. For example, I realized that while it didn’t take more than a minute to check Facebook during my workday, the emotional distraction and diversion of my attention affected my focus and ability to give my best to my work for several minutes after.

Our kids have often felt they weren’t getting our attention in the evenings, so my husband and I have set times in the day we don’t use our cell phones.

Coworkers or clients may have expectations for your responses as well, which can leave you feeling like you must respond right away. But when your work involves the need to create, focus or produce, it’s nearly impossible to do your best work if you can’t concentrate on the task at hand for a good deal of time -which may be several hours. You may need to set expectations about how quickly you can be expected to respond – within the work day for business matters is acceptable for most business transactions.

I have also given myself month-long breaks from social media (particularly, for me, Facebook) when I’ve felt I just wasn’t doing a good enough job being present in my life. I have enjoyed these breaks very much, and they help remind me how to keep a healthy balance even if I return to using social media.

As with everything, the key is balance. Our new ability to communicate easily and regularly allows us to do so much more from anywhere and at any time, but if we let it, it can completely overshadow our ability to focus and concentrate on doing our best work, and our ability to be present and enjoy the simple joys of everyday life.